DAGS by Debra Oswald

Author:Debra Oswald
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Currency Press

BRONWYN: [deep in scheming] Now, let’s plan this … I guess you are still a bit inexperienced—

bIGGLES: [outside] Bron! You ready, Bron?

BRONWYN: In here, darling!

biggles bounds in wearing a snazzy parachute suit. He poses hammily for them.

BIGGLES: You like it?

BRONWYN: Tonight’s just the theory lecture.

BIGGLES: I know, but I wanted to—y’know—get into the mood.

BRONWYN: [to GILLIAN] We’re doing a skydiving course this week.

Biggles: We do our first jump on Saturday! Wanna come, Gillo?

BRONWYN: You know Gillian wouldn’t want to.

BiGGLES: Still down in the dumps, huh? An arm-wrestle might cheer you up.

BRONWYN: Actually, Gillian and I are having a rather serious talk. If you could go and talk to Mum for a few minutes …

BIGGLES: Oh. Okey doke. How bout just a quick one?

He poses for an arm-wrestle with GILLIAN. BRONWYN thumps him.

BRONWYN: Out! Outside!

Biggles slinks out, waving goodbye to GILLIAN.

Now, the plan is—

GILLIAN: I don’t want a ‘plan’.

BRONWYN: I was thinking that since you’ve never been out with guys, you should maybe practise before you make a play for Adam.

GILLIAN: I don’t like the sound of this plan, ‘Make a play’? I don’t want to be sneaky or—

BRONWYN: Go out with Derek. Practise on him.

GILLIAN: Yuk … you can’t ‘practise’ on people. That’s an awful idea.

BRONWYN: Do you want my help or not?

GILLIAN: Aww, Bronwyn …

BRONWYN: You might even like him.

GILLIAN: [mumbling] Oh, all right …

BRONWYN: What was that?

GILLIAN: I said I’ll do it.

BRONWYN: Great. I’ll organise it.

BRONWYN runs out. GILLIAN pulls a horrified face. What has she let herself in for now?

***

The following week. GILLIAN is dressed for her date.

GILLIAN: A blind date with Derek. Hmm, I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing. If you think I’m a dag, you should see Derek. He was in my class all through primary school, then he went to the snotty boys’ school up the road. In primary school, Derek was always the kid that everyone did nasty things to … you know, dog turds in his lunch and Supa Glue on his seat and sticking goony signs on his back. Stupid stuff like that. I felt sorry for him except he never fought back. He just looked back at everyone, going blink blink with his beady eyes. Apparently now he’s the real whizz kid at his new school. But he’s still a dag.

GILLIAN checks her appearance in the mirror.

I thought it’d be best to meet on neutral ground.

The cinema centre. Derek is standing at the meeting place. He is stiff, gawky, pimply, spruced up in rather daggy clothes that don’t quite fit. GILLIAN hangs back and watches him for a moment. Derek checks his watch. He adopts a ‘relaxed’ macho pose awkwardly, then shifts and tries another pose.

Ohhh no … if only he didn’t try so hard. It’s excruciating.

GILLIAN takes a deep breath and marches up to him. He almost jumps in fright.

Derek. Hi.

DEREK: Oh, hi, Gillian. How are you?

GILLIAN: Good thanks. I guess you’re feeling a bit strange about this arranged marriage too.

DEREK: [laughing nervously] Oh, well, it’ll keep my brother and your sister off our backs.

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